Terms and Conditions
TERMS & CONDITIONS
TRIP ADVISOR REVIEWS
MILE HIGH CLUB
My very fair and always equitable requirements during appointments are as follows:
My screening policy applies to all clients. There are no exceptions. While I understand that there are numerous reasons why a client may not feel comfortable supplying personal information, please understand that I place my emotional and physical safety in your hands by allowing you into my personal space and giving you access to my body. I don’t care if you’re married, famous or Joe Blow, everyone screens and I have a vested interest in keeping your information safe to protect my professional reputation. I am happy to sign an NDA if necessary. My screening is my insurance policy to protect myself and ensure that if any ground-rules are broken, can be held accountable to the full extent of the law. If it were your daughter, sister, friend etc in my position, you would want them to be as safe as possible and I ask that you extend the empathy and humanisation that you would to anyone you care about to myself, as well as my colleagues.
Those who attempt to negotiate and text me reasons why, I will be frank, I don’t even finish reading those texts. I am extraordinarily savage with blocking numbers. I am just too time poor and don’t need the money. So it’s easy for me. It saves an argument.
Here is a really great read on this. I truly encourage you to flick over and read it. Before you do, close your eyes, and literally, put yourself in my situation and walk in my shoes. Just for a few moments. Why You MUST Verify and Why You Have Nothing To Worry About.
Deposits are a requirement for all bookings. They are non-refundable unless it is a most unusally extenuating circumstance. Please note, my hours are subject to change due to civilian life and a career that occasionally has unforseen hours/meetings occur. Should you be unable to make your appointment, I do understand that “life happens” and am willing to re-schedule to another time and day that suits you better.
My deposit requirement works in tandem with my screening requirements to ensure that you value my time, safety and comfort. The options I have provided are both discreet and convenient:
PayID and Osko are also accepted. These deposits are instantaneous. All you require is my phone number, 0413 967 225. Easy as that.
The remainder of my compensation for our time together can be paid:
- In cash upon arrival – Please hand it to me personally and give me a moment to confirm it is correct. Mistakes happen and if you are accidentally short, I will politely prompt you. Please note: I do not keep change. So best be organised. Thank you kindly.
- Via PayId or Osko. Please send me a screenshot if you pay in full before our playdate. And show me a screenshot at the start our our appointment should you do it when you arrive.
Should your appointment be paid in full, yet you exhibit rude, aggressive, demanding, dicatorial, unreasonable and/or demeaning interaction and/or communication I will generally do 1 of 2 things:
1. Charge you $50 per word of said rude, aggressive, demanding, dicatorial, unreasonable and/or demeaning interaction and/or communication. No. I am not joking.
2. If you continue to be unreasonable I will block you for a period of time, usually 4 weeks (that I will advise you via text or email), so that you have diffused your emotions. I will see if you are ready to re-book a mutually convenient time and day, noting that hours will still be operating subject to change. Having said that, I will make my best effort to avoid on-going time-table clashes. I am not ‘simply available’ at your convenience only.
Playdate Guide to Maximise Your Best Service…..
Please note. In the event that you run late, your time starts from our designated start time. I will not go over that time, so please don’t expect me too, request me too, or get upset when I don’t. My time is incredibly precious and in short supply. You will respect that in no uncertain terms as I respect yours. Therefore, I never run late. I don’t think I am required to justify this, but I will. I have not only client appointments, but work meetings via computer, all day and all night. Many of my team collegues and career clients are international and hence on different time zones. I am super reliable and don’t run late. So if I allow 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there everyone else’s appointments gets messed up. This makes me look unprofessional to them, and completely mucks up my and other people’s day and times. I am def not a “time Nazi”, this is all very, very fair.
I am super nice. So I don’t like to make anyone feel rushed or uncomfortable. So. Let’s make this really easy. You know how long you have booked for. When the 1st alarm goes there is 2 minutes remaining of the service. Upon the 2nd alarm you have 10 seconds to decide to ask if I am in a position to extend, or, understand I immediately need to begin getting dressed as you do too. This is regardless of the fact that you “are close”. You have had all the appointment time to do that, so it is totally selfish and unfair to expect me to continue past paid time because “you are REALLY close”. I wouldn’t like that as an ending, and thankfully it rarely happens….but I want to circumvent the discussion. I pledge a great, money back service, therefore I do not rush or clock watch. But when time is up, time is up. If in doubt, I encourage you to book a more lengthy time.
Please do not make it uncomfortable for me to have to say “I need to get going”. It’s awkward for both.
Showers and Hygiene:
Really? I need to say this? Yes. My nose tells me so. Most men have pride. Some don’t. Please. Be FRESHLY showered. Smell good. Or, I will exit the room, roll in garlic, mud, jalepenos and maybe some mustard for good measure and come back in. This does not mean you put aftershave on your penis. Or anywhere in that area. Ewhhh. If you haven’t showered within 60 minutes of your appointment, please ask for a shower when making your playdate. I will factor in 5 minutes extra no problems at all.
Cancellations and rescheduling:
Geelong: A non-refundable deposit. The exact percentage required is at my discretion upon booking and nomiated time and day. This will typically be anything between $50-$200 per hour booked to 50% for extended bookings.
Deposits are non-refundable if you must cancel. You are liable for the entire fee of our original booking if you wish to cancel with less than 24 hrs notice.If you wish to reschedule with less than 24- hours’ notice, your deposit is forfeit and you will have to provide another deposit if you wish to reschedule to a different day within 30 days of the original date. If you do not reschedule within 30 days you are liable for the entire fee of the original booking.If I am given more than 48 hrs notice you may reschedule your appointment to another time and carry that deposit over for your rescheduled booking within 30 days once only. If you must reschedule again or you fail to reschedule within 30 days of your original appointment your deposit is forfeit and you must provide another, should you wish to make another booking.
Yes. Regular clientele may be exempted from the above on the odd occasion. I try to be understanding and caring at all times. Except, when your dog has died 3 times, or your boss has asked you to work back (always a good one), every appointment that I can recall.
No shows are unacceptable. Please communicate with me otherwise I will feel awful for blacklisting you are tunring you into a reddit meme.
RE COVID 19/General Illness
If you find that leading up to our booking you have any cold or flu like symptoms no matter how mild please let me know asap and get tested and self-isolate. If you provide me with your COVID test or a doctor’s certificate, I am happy to reschedule within 30 days without forfeiting your deposit up to 3hrs before our scheduled booking. Your deposit will be forfeit if you attempt to cancel or reschedule within 3hrs of our booking. If you turn up to the booking with any cold or flu like symptoms or a fever (which will be checked) you will be liable for the full fee and you will be sent home.
If you wish to change the duration and/or type of your booking to one that costs less than the deposit you have already paid, there are no refunds of the difference and if you should choose to do so with less than 48hrs notice, you are liable for the full fee of the original booking duration and type.While full prepayments or a larger than requested deposit is welcome, the amount you submit is your non-refundable deposit and you are not entitled to any return of the fee upon cancelling. If I am given more than 48 hours’ notice, you may transfer the excess amount beyond my requirement to a rescheduled date within 30 days, but you must supply another deposit to secure this. If you do not provide at least 48 hours’ notice or do not reschedule within 30 days of the original date, the full amount you submitted is forfeit.
In the very rare circumstance that I am unable to make our appointment due to illness or unexpected career constraints, I will do my best to reschedule for a time that is convenient for you or hold on to your deposit or full payment to use when you or I are next in town.
You are not entitled to a refund of your deposit or any part of the full fee if I must cancel before or during the booking due to inappropriate and ungentlemanly conduct on your part which makes me feel unsafe or uncomfortable in any way. Clearly this also voids your money back guarantee that I offer genuinely congenial gentlemen. I do not abuse this policy. I only invoke it if I feel that seeing you would put me at risk of sexual assault, stalking & harassment, or any other danger. Or, you have crossed boundaries, been rude, gotten me upset so that there is no desire, because YOU killed it, to pleasure you. The law of averages dictates I cannot get along with everyone. I feel I do a damned good job. But I have zero tolerance to belittlement, arrogance, condensation. I have far too much self-respect to put up with that absolute rubbish behaviour and attitude.
This may include but is not limited to:
- Pushing boundaries after I have already said no
- Attempting to engage in acts that have not been discussed or consented to
- Attempted stealthing – deceptive removal or breakage of the condom
- Alluding to or attempting to grope me or engage in any sexual activity while I am sleeping and therefore not able to consent during overnight and multi-day bookings
- Any demeaning or threatening language, exception being if this has been pre-discussed and is part of a playtime such as RRP or KL
- Constant texting, emailing, calling or harassment
- Demanding free pictures or videos, sending “dick pics” or
- Refusal to provide requested screening information (instant block for wasting time as I advertise I require it).
There are NO refunds or discounts if you present with signs of poor sexual health or hygiene, but an alternative safe service will be on offer. Your sexual health and the job of cleaning your body, underneath your foreskin, in between your buttocks and other areas is your responsibility, so please ensure you shower thoroughly and see your doctor regularly for STI screening (every 3 months is recommended) even if you are in a long-term relationship and see your doctor if you have any visual or physical symptoms.
How to Receive Your Refund
In the case that a refund is granted as per the conditions above, there is currently one option. I can send the deposit via post to the address shown on the verification licence. If this option doesn’t work for you, you cannot receive your refund. I will get to the post office as soon as is physically possible for me to do so for expediancy of your refund. I am currently trying to work out an unresolved issue with Beem It so this can be a future option again.
Phew……now we got through that, and hopefully we are still sexy friends….
Tours: A 50% non-refundable deposit is required for all tour bookings.
Fly Me to You: 50% of the entire booking fee PLUS full flight, travel & accommodation costs are required for all Fly Me to Your bookings.