Modern men are confused, especially where it concerns modern women, but more on that later. The modern man does not appear to know what’s required of him, what’s expected from him, or where to turn for advice. It’s often the case the simplest advice is the best advice. Here’s 8 politically incorrect tips that should help the confused modern man get a handle on it and back on track.
Lack of Role Models
Let’s be honest, not everyone had great male role models to follow growing up. In fact, solid male role models are few and far between these days for younger men in need of some direction. The all too often result is men finding themselves wearing skinny jeans, hairless, and smelling like the chicks sitting behind him at Gloria Jeans wearing the same unisex perfume wondering “is this the man I wanted to be?” I can’t cure all the ills of mankind (with emphasis on the man part) in a short article, but I can give some basic advice that will help, should you choose to take it to heart and actually apply it. Consider it modern man building 101, coming from a gal.
It’s not a “how to get girls” guide, but a “how to be a man of measure in a confusing time for men which may result in more interest from women” guide.
The advice is tongue-in-cheek and sarcastic to the max to be sure and hopefully humorous, but make no mistake, the advice is legit and will likely offend some of the delicate snowflakes that seem to follow Lily and don’t like me? Go figure!!
If you’re a sensitive snowflake easily offended by frank truth bombs and some salty language, probably not the blog for you. If you’re in that large segment of men who are just damn confused about what qualities a modern man should possess to have a man card these days, read on!
1: Be Man Handy
Not to be confused with being a handyman. Yup, this again. I know, so old school and boring, but it’s still as important today as it was in your grandfather’s time and his grandfather’s time. No, being able to at least change a flat tire, add fluids to a vehicle, hammer a nail, figure shit out, and be generally handy has nothing to do with attracting women per se. It’s simply a basic skill set every man should have, regardless of who it may or may not attract, and it can be learned. That it’s a bonus in the eyes of many women is a plus, but should not the primary motivator for being handy with basic life stuff that happens. Truth is, most women find a man who can’t even change a flat tire less than useless, much less attractive.
Hence why Air tasker men can be attractive – ha ha, coz they can DO SHIT!
2: Stop Giving a Damn
Stop giving a damn what women want. You know what women really want? A man who knows what he wants. If some hand wringing PC type wants to take that out of context and claim it’s misogynistic, that men should stop caring about what women want, you really need to pay attention here. What’s meant by that advice is, many men today spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure what women want rather than who they are and what they want.
I’ll tell you what most of my female friends want. They are attracted to men that know what they want and are hardworking and driven to obtain it. Ambition is an aphrodisiac to women and earns the respect of other men. That does not mean being a jerk (see below for further details on that) or cavalier about women’s needs and feelings. That’s not what’s being recommended here, but it does mean not chasing your tail by trying to guess what women want and altering yourself to match it. You’ll never win and they’ll never find the man they want.
This is not about developing some “bad boy” persona, it’s about being true to yourself and realise there’s a lid for every pot and women sense, and are attracted to, authenticity and men respect it. If they are attracted to the bad boy types who treat them like dirt, ignore their feelings – usually due to self-esteem issues – you don’t want them anyway and should actively avoid such women. Be the authentic you, not some group approved version of you designed to appeal to the largest group of sheep you can find, female or otherwise. This leads me to my pet hate….
3: Don’t be an A-Hole
It’s really not that complicated, but some guys seem to mess this one up, especially where it applies to women. Don’t take their stuff without permission, or attempt to sleep with their sister or best friend, or take their car without permission. You know, little stuff like that. Have a job, don’t live at home with your mum (unless she is sick or otherwise needs your help), and do your best to keep the Drama Llama visits to a minimum whenever possible.
If you find this one confusing, or any of the above applies to you, you might be a jerk. To be honest, A-holes do make it easier for decent guys to succeed, so don’t worry if there’s no cure for Chronic A-Hole Syndrome. Be smart, don’t be one of those guys. If you are one of those, like all A-holes, the point of this section will be lost on you. “Good guys finish last!” some of you may say. That may be true in some cases, but it’s still preferable to being an A-hole. Karma does count for something.
Don’t mistake those that are natural born incurable A-holes for those with A-hole-like tendencies. All men have innate A-hole-like tendencies, because, well, you are men! For example, don’t mistake arrogance for confidence or vice versa. The two are polar opposites. Arrogance stems from a low self-esteem and is a coping mechanism for it. Its nature is repulsive to other people be they men or women. Confidence is an attractant and comes from a locus of a healthy self-esteem coupled with experience and hard earned knowledge. Confidence, true confidence, has a magnetic quality to it.
I LOVE confidence and am a confident woman. Hence why I screen out a-holes. My self-esteem is healthy and know I don’t need them in my life not even for 20 minutes. Thanks, but no thanks.
Humility and confidence complement each other and are always found together in the same person. The genuinely confident man is easy to spot as he’ll also be humble when it matters. Confident people know what they know and are confident in their abilities, but just as quick to admit to what they don’t know as their ego and self-esteem not dependent on their knowing everything or being right all the time.
4: Be Life Functional
No, you don’t have to run out and join a CrossFit “box” tomorrow, but that’s fine if you do. Being able to move your own bodyweight through space could save your life and that of others and is expected of a man.
This one seems fairly self-explanatory to me, but it seems to vex some. If you can’t at least pull yourself up over an object, drag someone of your approximate weight to safety, or help her brother get a heavy chest up a few flights of stairs, what good are you? If the heaviest thing you can deal with is a notebook computer, you have a problem. Yes, modern living has made the need to be minimally physically capable of doing those things non-essential for day-to-day survival, but your very survival may depend on that ability when you need it.
Hell, can you pick up your injured or sick girlfriend and get her to safety if there’s a fire? If not, you’re failing in the man department. Yes, some have legit reasons they can’t, such as injuries, illness, or age, but many if not most modern men can’t accomplish that and have no legit excuses as to why they can’t.
A minimal fitness standard for being a functional human being that can rise to a challenge does exist. Women are by nature, smaller and weaker than men. Obviously not the case 100% of the time (have you seen me ha ha) but as a general rule, that’s the case.
At the end of the day, a man should be able drag an injured person to safety, get himself over an obstacle, or when called on, lift heavy shit when his woman, friends, or family needs his assistance. If you can’t, and can supply no legit reason for that, get your ass onto a regular exercise program pronto. The benefits to health and visual appeal to the opposite sex, or sex of your preference, are added benefits of regular exercise obviously, but basic functional strength for both everyday life and possible emergencies is your job as a man.
5: Take a stand and stand there.
A man knows where he stands and stands there. He does not alter his views to please people or to get laid. People tend to respect a man who stands for something and stands there even if the people around him don’t always agree. Simply following what’s popular or trendy to “get along” or fit in in the modern world is not how people such as Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and Mark Twain to name a few that come to mind, made their mark on this world. The pressure to fit in, offend no one, and get along, is greater now than ever. Screw that. Guess what:
The goal of life is not to fit in, but to stand out!
A modern man of measure thinks before he speaks, chooses his words carefully, and attempts to apply critical thinking skills to what he says. But he realises what he says may not always be a popular place to stand, but stand there he will. That’s not the same as being a stubborn intransigent donut which leads me to:
6: “Real” Men learn from their mistakes!
Knowing where you stand, because your personal ethos and thoughtful research has led you to conclude that’s where you should stand, is an essential aspect of being a modern man. That does not mean you can’t be wrong, admit when you’re wrong, and learn from it. Again, see discussion about confidence vs. arrogance and being a freakin donut.
Be willing to challenge your own positions on a topic, and make sure they still hold up under thoughtful critical examination. As my old psychology lecturer used to say “Facts can alter emotions but emotions can’t alter facts.” You screw up, own it, and drive on.
Everyone screws up. Some learn from it, and do their damnedest not to repeat it. Some never seem to learn shit from their mistakes, and repeat the same mistakes over and over and that’s often due to being a stubborn bloody donut head. Don’t be that man. It’s neither productive nor “manly”.
Learn from your mistakes and you’ll be much closer to the man you wish to be, the man others look up to and respect, the man other men will want to emulate because you’re both strong of will and humble where it counts. It’s also a quality women find VERY VERY attractive (but we also like seeing you walk small white fluffy dogs).
7: Do Manly Shit!
Strive to push your boundaries: jump out of a plane, take up a martial art, hike in the Dandenong’s, take up clay Pidgeon shooting, go camping alone, take a survival course, take an especially challenging form of yoga, etc. They don’t always have to be terribly dramatic. Never learned to swim? Go learn now! It will scare the hell out of you, but you’ll gain a huge sense of accomplishment from it, and repeated accomplishments accumulate into genuine confidence. Confidence, versus arrogance, must be built one brick at a time. It’s earned, not given, and takes time. Many men today seem expect respect not earned. Don’t be that guy.
The point being, you should actively seek out activities that challenge you on all levels that take you well out of your comfort zone. A modern man actively seeks out new ways to challenge his comfort zone, for if you don’t push your limits, how will you know where they are? Doing such things increases confidence, self-reliance, and self-esteem. It also raises testosterone. The activities chosen may not always be “fun” while you’re doing them, but will be an opportunity for considerable personal growth.
A man who doesn’t seek personal growth is boring as bat shit to me.
8: Get your testosterone levels checked
Yes, seriously. It’s interesting to note data suggests the average testosterone levels of men has fallen dramatically from past generations as well as other indicators, such as strength dropping in age matched men between prior generations. That’s not good. If you think your pop was more “manly” then the men you see around you today, you’re probably right.
Testosterone is literally the hormone that makes men men.* It’s essential for all the things you tend to associate with men, such as muscle mass, strength, in addition to mood, libido, and so forth. Exactly why testosterone levels appear to have dropped over the generations is unclear, and likely multifactorial, including an increase in body fat levels, estrogenic chemicals (xenoestrogens) found in the environment, to socio-cultural effects, to others not fully elucidated at this time. And too many yellow arches around. Make no mistake, testosterone levels in men are not just a matter of biology, they are also a factor of psychology and culture.
That’s my down and dirty guide to what the modern man can do to start or enhance his journey as a man of measure in these confusing times, and quite possibly be more attractive to us women as a side effect. Now, I hope I didn’t offend any of you!!