By deconstructing the traumatic event that Melanie survived we can identify the danger signals and the survival tactics applicable to this particular situation.

As per Part 1 there is no blueprint to each and every dangerous situation, for males and females. It’s a case by case thing. Hence why your intuition at reading the play is very, very important. This is because certain actions have predictable outcomes.

Melanie knew that if she stayed in her room her attacker was going to come back from that kitchen and kill her. But she didn’t know how she was so certain. I said, “yes, you do.”

Melanie thinks about it and she says “he got up and got dressed, closed the window, then looked at his watch. He promised he wouldn’t hurt me and that promise came out of nowhere. Then he went into the kitchen to get a drink supposedly.

But I heard him opening drawers in there.

He was looking for a knife. But I knew way before that that he would likely kill me, and with a knife.”

Melanie paused and she said to me “I guess he wanted a knife because using the gun would be too noisy?”
“What makes you think he was concerned about noise?” I asked.

“I don’t know” she said. “He had a thing for noise.

That’s why he closed the window.

That’s how I knew since he was dressed and supposedly leaving.

He had no other reason to close my window.”
That was the subtle signal that warned Melanie, but it was fear that gave her the courage to get up without hesitation and follow close behind the man who 100% intended to kill her.

Melanie experienced a fear so complete that it replaced every feeling in her body like an animal hiding inside her. It opened to its full size and stood up using the muscles in her legs.

Melanie would have been operating like she was not even in her own body with that kind of fear.

What she felt was real fear. Not like when we get startled, or if you get asked to do public speaking.
This particular fear is the powerful ally that tells us….”do what I tell you.”

FEAR WILL TALK TO YOU

Sometimes it tells a person to play dead or to stop breathing or run or the scream or to fight.

When I myself had an aggravated burglary (that is when someone breaks into your home whilst you are in it), when I recognised someone was in my home, plan A, B and C, none of them worked.

My attacker had broken into my home at 11pm and had switched the power off at the mains.

When I went to scream (I was actually in a townhouse and so my bed room backed onto my neighbours bedroom, my vocal chords ceased working. I couldn’t get a pip out at all. Nothing.

Fear had silenced me.

He meant business CIB would tell me later.

I know exactly the fear Melanie felt as I have had 5 times myself.

I have twice had an out of body experience where my head has said “attack”, which I did, and the instinct was likely the correct one as I am here to write Melanie’s story.

However they were both with knifes and a tyre iron I might point out.

With my hold up at gunpoint I was calm and compliant.

Anyway I digressed and made it about me. Back to Melanie.

The kind of fear, that you don’t anticipate whispered to Melanie “you just be quiet and don’t doubt me and I’ll get you the f*** out of here.

“Follow close behind him and when he goes right you go left.”

“HE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE”

Here’s the thing.

When you ask people who have suffered violence “could you have seen this coming? “ most usually say “no”.
“No, it just came out of nowhere.”

However, usually there MUCH pre incident behaviour.

They can be very small things like “I felt any uneasy when I met this guy” or “now that I think about it, he was a little “sus’”.

Or victims realise later that they had seen ‘that car earlier on in the day,’ you can begin to see the signals. Because there is a universal code of violence.

INACCURATE INFORMATION IS DANGEROUS

Aside from outright denial of intuitive signals, there is another way that we as women do get into trouble.

Our intuition fails when it’s loaded with inaccurate information.

Since we are the editors of what gets in and what is invested with credibility, information wise, it is important to evaluate our sources of information so I’ll draw on a very rare safety hazard kangaroo attack!

I kid you not globally around 20 people a year are killed by kangaroos.

I bet you didn’t know that! They’re pretty friendly animals.

However, they always display a specific set of indicators before they attack.

The first thing they do is they will give what appears to be a very wide and friendly smile.

But what they’re actually doing is showing their teeth.

The second thing they will do is compulsively check their pouches.

They never attack whilst they carry little joeys.

And the third indicator is they will look behind them since they always retreat immediately after they kill their prey. After these signals, the room will lunge forward, brutally pummel the enemy. And then hop off.

niiiccceeeee….

GUT INSTINCT IS MOST OFTEN CORRECT

Melanie had been apprehensive from the moment she heard the stranger’s voice.

It was just the fact that someone was there.

Because having heard no doors open before the guy appeared, Melanie knew at least intuitively that he must have been waiting out of sight.

She also realised in retrospect that when he said he was going to the 4th floor he didn’t offer why, so that was left for Melanie to fill in the blanks.

Concluding that he was visiting (let’s call them the Jones) who lived across the hall from her.

But then she realised that if the Joneses had admitted a guest over the intercom, she’d have heard the loud buzz of the electric lock being released and Mrs. Jones would have been at the top of the stairs already well into the high volume conversation with her visitor.

And it was because of all of this that Mel’s intuition sent her the signal “I need to be a bit wary.” She didn’t really listen to herself because there wasn’t anything she saw in the guy’s behaviour to explain the alarm she felt.

Just as some things must be seen to be believed; some must be believed to be seen.

The stranger’s behaviour didn’t match Melanie’s image over what she thought a ‘rapist might look like’.

She could not consciously recognise what she didn’t recognise. And neither can you.
So, one way to reduce risk is to learn what risk looks like. The capable face-to-face bad John or criminal is an expert at keeping his victims from seeing survival signals.

But the very methods he uses to conceal them can reveal them.
I’m gonna give you a couple of examples.

READING THE PREDATOR/ATTACKER

The first strategy with Melanie was when her attacker displayed what is known as “forced teaming.”

“We’ve got a hungry cat up there.” He had said at one point.

Like a coach may say that to his footy team – “hey, let’s get out there, we are ready.”

That’s friendly teaming.

Forced teaming is an effective way to establish premature trust because ‘we’re in the same boat.’

Most women absolutely will find it difficult to rebuff assertively without feeling rude.

Sharing a predicament like being stuck in a slow lift or arriving simultaneously to a shop that is about to be closed, we will understandably around social boundaries.

But forced teaming is not about coincidence. It is intentional.
It is intentional and directed and it is one of the most sophisticated manipulations a predator uses.

The detectable signal of forced teaming is the projection of a shared purpose or experience where none exists. “How are we going to handle this now? We’ve done it.”

COMMUNICATION WHEN VERIFYING

Totally digressing now… if you are a male, reading this, I hope and trust that you are beginning to see why my verification and identification is something that I take very seriously.

If my safety is not a concern to potential clients, and they are hell bent on asking me to “make an exception” not only will that never happen, they must be swiftly blocked.

Because the message is “I don’t care about you, I only care about me.”

Initial text communication with me is so paramount I really cannot explain.

I see and read SO MANY red flags in thousands of messages that I have received.

My ability to trust myself, and to work with my gut feeling has kept me safe. 100%.

Therefore I am never sorry if potential clients mistake direct and clear and the word “no” as rude.

If a potential client is concerned about their personal discretion, that is precisely why I make an excellent choice as a companion. It is clear that I have professionalism, boundaries, discretion and an ability to keep myself safe, as well as them.

Interestingly 3 times in the past 6 years I have gone against intuition.

I have taken an appointment against my better judgement.

3 times I decided on a very late cancellation (like, they are on their way).

And 3 times the reactions of each were simply off the chart angry.

Great call Lily.

My gut was right.

Because no client I have seen would ever reaction in the manner those 3 men did. The anger and volatility….

BACK TO MELANIE

I trust my gut implicitly.

Melanie didn’t consciously recognise what her intuition clearly knew.

Therefore she couldn’t apply the simple defense for forced teaming which is a clear refusal to accept the concept of partnership.

I myself operate in a very assertive, almost aggressive manner often, and make no apologies for it.

“I did not ask for your help and I do not want it.”

Women find this hard to do because it has the cost of appearing rude and that is a shame. I have no qualms being so direct and clear and upfront.

Safety is the premium concern of all creatures and it clearly justifies a seemingly abrupt and rejecting response from time to time and anyway…. rudeness is relative. 😊

Part 3 I will talk through the other manipulation techniques this particular attacker used in order to gain just enough trust for Melanie to get into very serious danger.